The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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