My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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