Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
