i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
