You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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