just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
