I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
