i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Help. Why am I so naked?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
