You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
