Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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