Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
