Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
