So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
