Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
