I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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