Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
