I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
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Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
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We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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