i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
