Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I need water and some morals
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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