My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
