did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
