WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
