I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
