You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
