I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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