I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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