Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
