Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
