I'm so fucking centered right now
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
