Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
