i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
