Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
