He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
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He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
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I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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