he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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