What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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