sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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