I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
