So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
