Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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