I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize