So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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