you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
