Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize