So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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