Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
