Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
