A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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