wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
