I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
