her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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