ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
