If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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