All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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