i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
