I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
