Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
