I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dicks are not precious.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
