He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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