it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
