There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
